—MARIO BATALI / CHEF AND RESTARATEUR
PORK “When I was part of the crew at Momofuku Ssäm, we paired white wine with almost everything on the menu—brussels sprouts, pork belly, even the over-the-top pork shoulder bo ssäm. It seems counter-intuitive, but really crisp whites from the Loire or oily, high-acid Alsatian and German Rieslings cut right through the fatty, richness of pork–and still taste sexy.” —LESLIE PARISEAU
TONGUE-SEARING SPICE fiery dishes are best served with white for a couple reasons. Heat brings out the booze and bitterness typical of a lot of reds. Instead, pour a low-alcohol, semi-fruity, zingy white–like Sauvignon Blanc, Pinot Gris, or Verdicchio—that won’t be drowned out by a little fire. —ANDREW RICHDALE
SEX “Ok, sort of. Scientists still go back and forth about whether the melatonin in red actually knocks you out. It may, it may not. You know what though? Half of foreplay is keeping me on my toes and just about nothing is more predictable than pouring me a glass of Bordeaux. Surprise me! Something super-chilled, something spicy, something hard to pronounce like Gewürztraminer. Anything but red and I’ll be impressed.”—ANONYMOUS FEMALE GQ STAFFER WHO APPRECIATES THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE
In this rippling and (at times) high-altitude territory abutting the Alps to the north and the Adriatic to the south, you can happily drink fine red wines all day, but you’d be an idiot for doing so. The microclimates are instead hot-wired for whites that tremble and whirl in your mouth like a meth-crazed ballerina.
And my God, the aromas. The Sauvignons hit you with a Sambuca waft, while the Tocais give off the nose of bitter almonds and the Malvasias (my favorite) a hypnotic whiff of sea salt and peaches. These wines bring out the best in prosciutto, pastas, and seafood of all types. They’re clean, bracing, electric. They’re practically all I drink. Hell, they’re practically all I think about. —ROBERT DRAPER